journal

I am...... I am good right and whole by myself i am an amazing person i am beautiful strong powerful and forgiving i am loved and i love i am wise and naive full of life and yet still have room to grow i am i am me i am a living thing to be nurtured and cared for i am young yet old i am patient yet easily frustrated i live with peace but in a world of chaos i am i am me synthia i am spiritual and passionate i devote my life to making someone else's life better i am centered and yet so unbalanced i am clay on the pottery wheel i try staying centered but i dry out crack and fall apart some times that is not the problem the problem is remembering that i can be whole again i am okay with my life i am okay with me i am thats it thats all i am just existing i am i am !!!!!!!

free write

life is really good it is not always like that it is not always good but it is better than what it used to be and that is fine with me i am okay with everything not being my way and yes i still have things to work on and yes i want to still curl up in a ball and sleep for a million years some times but not all the time i am starting to just live my life just starting to enjoy what has been given to me and i am trying my damn dist to give it away to other people that might be or have been in my shoes because that is what life is all about it is all about the choices that we make and i am hoping that i make my life and the lives of others better not perfect but better maybe not by much but even a small amount is something it is better that and more than we had before and for that i am grateful

I feel..... i feel ignored pissed of happy loved unloved abused nurtured and everything in between i feel as if the world is out to get me i and i feel as if no one cares but i know that what i feel isnt always true i have to look at the situation and the people what did i do to make this happen and usually i did something no matter how big or small i did something to change the situation and regardless of the outcome good or bad it is not my fault but it is my fault if i dont put in any effort to better my self and if i was wrong i need to own up to my actions and be the person i want everyone else to see me as i feel that if i do what is asked of me i will not run in to much but i feel that is i am not consius of the desicions i am making then if someone asks me to do a bad action then it is just as much my fault as it is theirs because i feel that i need to keep myself in check thats how i feel.......

Free write..... wow where has the time gone where has my life gone ? what have i done to where i am today what went wrong or what didnt go wrong what went right in my life the answer ot these questions dont really bother me it really doesnt matter it is all about here and now as much as i can i mean try as much as possible to learn from my mistakes and do the next right thing for me and the rest of the world i am not big but i am not small i am a human i make mistakes and i have defects but thats fine what isnt is if i let them get in the way of me being a good person and helping others because if i am a jerk in anyway than i am not helping me or anyone else life life life always changing always a new adventure to be had :)

I wish...... i wish the world would spin in a new direction i wish that people would all work a program i wish that everything just happened i wish that i didnt have and wont have expectations i wish my life was better but its not and the only thing i can do about that is change me and the rest will fall into place and as long as i keep my goals in mind i will be fine stress is no object i wish i had a little more acceptance in my life and i wish that i had a little more tollerence for others i work and work on me constantly and by doing that i help everyone which is one of my wishes but i cant live in dream land forever so i have to look at the future with a watchful but easy going eye and not linger in the past too much